


highest fall you'll ever grace

by bogsheep



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley (Good Omens) Has PTSD, Flashbacks, Hurt Crowley, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), angle boy is.. angey..., crowly has PTSD from the fall, i dedicate this fanfic to my boyfriend, inspired by a post in the good omens tag on tumblr, its MY fanfic and I GET to choose the things i project onto my fav characters, specifically to his heart and making it Hurt ™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 04:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19243750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bogsheep/pseuds/bogsheep
Summary: crowley did a free fall into a pool of boiling sulphur. he escaped with his wings intact.but the last time he was in the air with them, it didn't turn out so well.





	highest fall you'll ever grace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zeejacks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeejacks/gifts).



> yee FUCKING haw 
> 
> no one:  
> no one at all:  
> me, attaching my self to crowley: çömfòřț čhæŕāçťəŕ
> 
> the title is from icarus by Bastille!

The Bentley was having some problems.

   Aziraphale had been watching Crowley desperately try and fix it for hours now. They had been planning on visiting Adam, out in Tadfield,  but with the combination of the horrific rain and the Bentley, it wasn't looking good.

   That was, until Aziraphale jumped up from where he was sitting on a chair.

   "Oh! We can just fly there!"

   Crowley looked at him from his position, stretched across the couch with a glass of wine.

   "Angel,... it's raining quite badly out there. You just were just looking outside."

   "No, no, no," he said, walking over to the demon and swiping the glass of wine from his hands. "We fly above the cloud level, and we won't have to worry about being seen or the rain!"

   "No."

   Aziraphale was caught slightly off-guard by the immediate and almost aggressive response.

   "Well, why not?" He asked, perturbed, as Crowley took back his glass.

   "We can just take the Bentley, I'll fix it."

   Aziraphale laughed.

   "No offense, dear, but I really doubt you are fixing that car tonight. Besides we haven't flown in-" he cut himself off, suddenly realizing he couldn't remember the last time he had seen Crowely fly.

   "Well, I haven't flown in quite a little while. Let's just go!" He stood up, walking towards the door, but was suddenly dragged back by a hand around his wrist.

    _"No."_ Crowley said, even more urgently. Not for the first time, Aziraphale wished he would take off his glasses so the angel could actually read how he was feeling.

   "We can just... just take the bus. Or walk- walking's healthy! Exercise is a blessing, angel!"

   Aziraphale simply took back his hand, and began walking towards the door again.

   "Crowley, really, it'll be quicker than walking _or_ the bus. Don't you want to stretch your wings and all?"

   "No- Aziraphale, why are you making such a big deal about this? We can just-"

   "Why are _you_ making such a big deal about this?" Aziraphale shot back. As much as he hated getting into fights with Crowley, this just felt... strange. He had never seen Crowley act like this- though, in all fairness, he had never seen Crowley _fly_ , either.

   "What, Crowley, can you not fly, or something?"

   "Of course I can fly! That's like... that's like calling a human impotent, Aziraphale!" Crowley had a light flush across his face, and he stomped his foot comically.

   "Well, you certainly aren't proving it. I'm not sure I believe you," Aziraphale teased.

   Crowley huffed, and pushed past Azriphale, stepping into the rain.

   "If I prove I can fly, will you just- just lay off it?"

   Aziraphale smiled smugly.

   "Of course, dear."

    

* * *

 

   Crowley took a deep breath, seeming to steady himself before releasing his wings. Aziraphale watched him with curiosity, following suite, and taking off into the sky.

   The feeling of wind beneath his wings was like no other. The cool air, the lifting sensation in his stomach, a feeling that made any rollercoaster humans could create seem like nothing. The rain, despite how fervently it came down, only improved it to the angel, and he laughed at his spiraled up towards the clouds- towards Her, part of his mind supplied, towards God Herself- and when he breached the cloud barrier, he could only describe the feeling as being truly free- as _ecstasy_.

   When he looked down, he didn't see Crowley following for a long couple of seconds.

   Then, he saw the black wings breaking through the storm clouds.

   "Crowley!" He called, laughing and slightly out of breath.

   "See, doesn't it just feel _amazing?_

   Crowley didn't respond as he flew up to meet Aziraphale, and he didn't respond when they were right next to each other.

   When the angel look at him, he saw his friend deathly pale, panting. His glasses were down on his nose enough to see those stark, serpentine eyes, staring wide open, downwards, at nothing.

   "Crowley?"

   The demon snapped his head to the side, pushing up his glasses quickly.

   "Yeah- yeah, sssee, I can fly. Told you. Now let'ssss go, pleassse."

   Aziraphale nodded, and began flying off in the direction of Adam's house- he may be using his fair share of magic to locate it, but that was neither here nor there- and tried to explain away the odd shake in Crowley's voice.

   It was easy to push that aside, embarrassingly so, when he so dearly wanted to focus on how good flying felt. What with being around humans so much, and their inventions and new types of transportation, Aziraphale didn't have the luxury of seeing the skies like this in nearly _centuries_. It was like being in Heaven, but significantly less assholes in grey suits and significantly more panting demons-

   Speaking of demons, his was nowhere near him.

    _Where in Heav- in Hell- in_ **_wherever_ ** _is he?_

   As it turns out, Crowley was a few feet behind Aziraphale, wings flailing around.

   "Crowley!"

   The demon didn't seem to hear him- or see him, for that matter- just floated there, panting like he was in an airtight box, all the color drained from his face.

   "Crowl-" he started, but then he heard the whispering.

    _"I'm gonna fall, I'm gonna fall- forgive me, pleasse, pleassse, God_ **_pleasssse_ ** _, I'm gonna fall, I'm gonna_ **_fall-_ ** _"_

    Aziraphale reached out to touch him, to guide him downwards to the ground miles beneath them, but Crowley flinched the moment his hands even got close- mumbling _"no, no no no, pleassse don't let me burn, I didn't mean it- pleassse sssspare me- don't let me_ **_fall, pleassse-"_ **

"Crowley, it's just me- it's Aziraphale!" The angel is desperate, mostly because he has never seen Crowley like _this_ , so raw and terrified- dare he say, _traumatized._

    As much as he knew it probably wouldn't end well, if Crowley stayed in the air, he would fall. And if he fell…

    Aziraphale shuddered to think of it.

    "Crowley, I'm going to touch you, dear- I'm so very sorry."

   The warning didn't do much. The moment he made contact, holding Crowley's shoulders with firm hands, the demon began shrieking- and it was then Aziraphale realized the wet marks on his face weren't form the rain.

   The whole way down, Aziraphale could feel his heart breaking into pieces. Crowley never stopped thrashing, crying- and the whispering, the hoarse and desperate whispering, all begging to be spared, to not let him fall, to _stop_ the  _burning_.

    Aziraphale wanted to burn his own hands off.

   Finally they touched down. They were in a forest, somewhere far enough away from humans that Aziraphale felt safe in them having their wings out. 

   The moment Crowley touched the ground, two things happened- Aziraphale immediantly let go of him, and Crowley gasped like a man drowning and scratched at the dirt ground. It looked like he had just realized that he was no longer in the air, and Aziraphale saw a glimmer of consciousness reappear in those slitted eyes. 

   "C-crowley?" He called out, seeing if his demon would finally react.

   He did.

   "A-azzziraphale?" 

    His voice was scratched up and hoarse, and broke halfway through the angel's name- but Aziraphale nearly sobbed at the recognition. He reached over, about to pull Crowley into a hug, before the demon flinched violently away, shaking.

    _" **D-do-n't** touch me."_ He mumbled, and Aziraphale receded, praying to himself that he wouldn't have to see that clouded expression over Crowley's face, and know that it was his fault.

    "Alright, alright, I won't- Crowley,..."

    Crowley didn't respond, just sat there, curled against himself on the wet ground.

    "Crowley, what _was_ that?"

     He heard a brittle, sharp laugh.

    "Well, falling issn't exactly a _fun time,_ angel."

    Aziraphale felt mad. He felt  _angry._ It came upon him suddenly, and intensely- like a viper, biting him on the ankle. He was angry at himself, at Crowley- at  _Heaven._

   He dare not say at God, but the anger burned within him nonetheless.

   "Crowley... Crowley, did you know this would happen?"

    The demon was silent.

    "Crowley, answer me."

      _Nothing,_ for the love of- of _whoever_ , Crowley was just staring the ground, at his fingernails, at a beetle walking past- everything  _but_ Aziraphale.

    "Crowley for the love of G- of _whoever_ , talk to me! You can't just- you can't just do _that_ and then _shut up!"_ Aziraphale felt a stab of guilt for shouting, but he just couldnt help it. This afternoon hadn't just taken a turn, it had driven off the fucking road.

    Aziraphale heard Crowley mumble, and he quickly asked him to repeat. 

   "What?"

   "Pleassse... don't- ssstop _yelling_."

   The stab of guilt turned into a giant spear, sticking directly out of Aziraphale's sternum.

   "I'm..." He sighed. "I'm sorry, Crowley, I really am. I'm just distraught."

  There was a moment of silence between the two.

   "Why didn't you tell me? That you were scared of flying?"

  Crowley swallowed hard, pressing his glasses against his eyes roughly.

   "It would've... it's jusst... ssstupid. It's _idiotic_ , angel."

   Aziraphale, who been kneeling around a foot away from Crowley, scooted closer. Crowley didn't react to it.

   "Why? Why would it have been idiotic?"

   "Becaussse!" Crowley shot up, throwing his hands to the sides dramatically. "Becaussse- I ssshouldn't be thiss weak! I'm- a demon! A demon, for Ssat- God- for sssomeone'ss sssake! It's been a six thoussand yearsss, I sssshouldn't be ssso hung up on thisss!"

   The demon pulled his legs, pants covered in mud and sticks, up to his chest, head turned away from his friend.

   "That... isss why I didn't tell you. I jusst... I thought I could go through life without ever having to confront it."

   Crowley still wasn't looking towards him, his eyes, now free of glasses as he had taken them off during his rant, very clearly avoiding looking at Aziraphale.

   "Crowley, look at me.

   "No."

   "Why?"

   "Angel... I-I..."

   The wobble and crack in his voice answered Aziraphale's question. He got even closer to Crowley, not touching him, but still close enough to feel almost intimate.

   "Crowley, I don't care if you're crying.

   "It- it isssn't that, it'sss-"

   "Crowley, _you deserve to cry."_

That got his attention. Crowley whipped around, confused, and Aziraphale could finally see his eyes.

  Those eyes, golden yellow, his pupils hair-thin streaks in the center. They were shining with tears, and looked wild, looked _desperate_. Desperate for so many things- for six thousand years of things, and six thousand years of things Aziraphale had _missed_.

  "Crowley, listen to me."

  "You deserve to cry. You deserve to show your emotions,  _all of them,_ whether you think they are stupid, or-or _idiotic_ , or if you think they make you weak. You deserve feel safe enough to show all your emotions, and fears, and I am so sorry, that I made you feel like you had to do this, _that I haven't noticed you were hurting._

Crowley said nothing, and for a long time, Aziraphale thought he wasn't going to do anything either. Maybe it was too much, maybe Crowley for overwhelmed and was just shutting down, maybe Aziraphale royally messed up, maybe-

   Without a warning, or a sound, Crowley leaned into him. It was soft, hesitant, tentative at first- but then Aziraphale put an accepting hand on Crowley's arm, and the demon completely fell into his friend.

  He began sobbing almost out of nowhere. Crowley's chest shook with the weight of them, his whole body convulsing, and it broke Aziraphale's heart all over.

  But this time, Aziraphale was able gathered him up in his arms. He held Crowley tight, and he leaned into it, crying into his angel's shoulder.

   "I didn't _mean_ to fall, angel, I jusssst- I _jussssst_ -"

   "Hush." Aziraphale said, reaching one hand out to pet his hair.

    _"It hurt sssso much, angel, I thought I would never land- thought I wassss falling **forever** \- **they hurt me,** I-"_

   "Sssh, Crowley, don't worry." Aziraphale heard the demon's stuttered gasps, felt his shaking. He also felt how Crowley had a tight hold on his angel's clothing, a silent message to not let go.

   "I'm not letting you fall. I'm not ever going to let anyone hurt you like that again- I _promise_ , dear, on all of my Grace."

  The demon held him tighter, and the angel held him in turn. 

  Aziraphale had known he loved Crowley for years before that moment. But right then, he knew for a fact just how far he would go for him.

  Aziraphale would face down God Herself for the demon in his arms. And he was alright with that.

**Author's Note:**

> I mayyyyy write another chapter w more Good Sweet Comfort ™ later but for now. yee yee


End file.
